Monday, May 23, 2016

Birthday Guest - Charlie Cochet

Please welcome my birthday guest - Charlie Cochet!

She brought along our favorite gummy-bear-loving-cheesy-doodle-crunchy favorite THIRDS agent. Though, as usual, I think he hijacked the post from her. 

Hey there! Dexter J. Daley here to talk about birthdays. Not just any birthdays, but milestone birthdays. I love birthdays! Doesn’t matter how old I get I want to celebrate. I mean hey, I made it another year older. How is that not something to celebrate? Listen up, I’m a THIRDS agent. It’s my job to go out there and face lethal criminals who can disembowel me with one swipe of their paw. When my birthday comes around, I am rocking that shit. I don’t just have a birthday party, I have a pre-birthday-party party because why not? Dude, my birthday celebration lasts at least a week. My thirtieth? That went on for a month. Drove my dad absolutely freakin’ nuts.

So here’s how it went down. This party went global. I took my party wagon on the road. First two weeks of August, 2010 I was in Europe. I let it all hang out. Uh, sort of literally in Spain. I had one too many mojitos, and there was this hot guy, and let’s just say Sloane doesn’t need to know about that night. Ever. Somewhere in Barcelona the police are still looking for the blond American dude who streaked down Las Ramblas naked with only a souvenir paper fan to cover his boy bits as he shouted incoherent Spanish. It made the papers. My goal was to hit as many pubs across the continent of Europe in as few days as possible. There are a couple of towns out there I’m no longer allowed in. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

Third week of August I was back in the good old USA ready for round two. I started at the Grand Canyon, swept through Vegas, caught a few shows, did not run naked through the strip. I did however land in jail. Don’t look at me like that. It was one night. Didn’t even go on my record, though that was probably down to Tony. Man, you should have seen his face. He was so pissed. And rightly so seeing as how he had to catch the red-eye because my dumb ass thought it would be a great idea to try out some synchronized swimming in the Bellagio’s fountains. In my defense, I asked for a frozen daiquiri light on the alcohol and the guy must have heard the opposite. I was too busy running around the place to notice my drink was quickly melting away into nothing but vodka. Not to mention this drink cup was as long as my arm. Vegas is lucky I didn’t try to climb the damned Eiffel tower. Anyway, when Tony showed up, the arresting officer took one look at him, and handed me over with a prayer. No, seriously, the guy actually prayed for me, said a Hail Mary and everything. Then he whispered “good luck”, and made like the wind. I’d never been in a police station that quiet. My temporary cell mate told me it sucked to be me.

Of course Tony being Tony didn’t rain his wrath down on me right away. He never does things half-assed. He was going to let me enjoy the rest of my birthday celebration before unleashing Merciless Maddock. “But you’re a grown man,” you say. Let me impart some wisdom on you. You are never too old to get your ass handed to you by Tony Maddock. I was an HPF agent old enough to know better, be able to control my stupid, and end up in a fellow officer’s cell to embarrass myself, my THIRDS sergeant dad, and all my ancestors. I should probably also note that my detainment from the fountain incident came after several other incidents where I was let off with a warning.

I’m no longer allowed inside Caesar’s palace. Or the Luxor. Let’s just say it involves booze, lots of sugar, and my convincing a couple of white tiger Therians to shift into their Therian forms in the casino so I could walk around pretending I was a magician. Security kind of drew the last straw when I attempted to make a life-sized chocolate statue of Benedict Cumberbatch disappear.

After Vegas, I headed for Cali, then hit the major cities before hopping a cruise ship, doing some snorkeling, almost getting eaten by a shark I thought was a dolphin, then making my way back home. A lot of stuff happened in between, but I gotta leave something for my memoirs. Anyway, got home, went to face the music, and when I got to Tony’s he had a surprise party waiting for me. Sounds great right? No. Nope. He’d invited all my ex-boyfriends, including a couple of guys who I never called back after a night of getting frisky if you know what I mean. In my defense I lost their numbers, I swear! My dad tracked down every frat boy I ever flirted with, even the barista from the coffee shop on campus that I whispered sweet nothings to for an extra shot of espresso. He also invited my Aunt Danelle. Seriously, my aunt! The woman who wiped my snot when I was sick, who cleaned up my unholy spewing after I got food poisoning. It was of Exorcist proportions. Never underestimate how much puke can come out of an eight-year-old. Embarrassed is a word chumps use. My dad annihilated me.   

So, yeah. Milestone birthdays. Have fun, be safe, don’t drink and drive, and for the love of donuts don’t get thrown in jail. Have a good one!



Love in Retrograde Synopsis
Enthusiastic, play-it-safe Kelly Sutton is an American intern at the Photonic Royal Society in New London. He’s been working on Project Mars for over a year, a mission kept so secret by the Society even Kelly doesn’t know exactly what it is. What Kelly does know is his contribution to the task will benefit mankind, and that’s enough for him.
Kelly’s world turns upside down when concerns over his mentor’s behavior lead Kelly to investigate and stumble upon a wicked truth. What is supposed to be a project to advance human life turns out to be an endeavor capable of mass destruction. The terrifying reality forces Kelly to choose between looking the other way to keep his job, as he’s always done, or risking his career and even his life to do the right thing by saving the man who’s captured his heart.

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About the Author
Charlie Cochet is an author by day and artist by night. Always quick to succumb to the whispers of her wayward muse, no star is out of reach when following her passion. From adventurous agents and sexy shifters, to society gentlemen and hardboiled detectives, there’s bound to be plenty of mischief for her heroes to find themselves in, and plenty of romance, too!
Currently residing in Central Florida, Charlie is at the beck and call of a rascally Doxiepoo bent on world domination. When she isn’t writing, she can usually be found reading, drawing, or watching movies. She runs on coffee, thrives on music, and loves to hear from readers.

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37 comments:

  1. Trust Dex to come up with all those stories, I mean it's just that, right? Stories? He wasn't actually running around nekkid in Spain or ended up in a jail cell? No?
    Anywaaay... Happy birthday, Denise! Thank you (and thanks to Charlie) for this uplifting post. Have a fab month and MANY HAPPY RETURNS! ;-)

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  2. Leave it to Dex to celebrate himself in a big way! If I could have any present for MY birthday, it'd be the newest Thirds book of extras, signed by all of the agents, and maybe even the lovely author's autograph too, lol.

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  3. Thought I'd spotted a 'Where is Dex??' poster or two in Barcelona...;) Still love him to bits. <3

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  4. Happy Birthday, I hope it was amazing.

    I would so love to have Dex celebrate my birthday with me. We would have a blast :) I most definitely would have to have someone stand by with bail money but it would so be worth it.

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  5. Dex found an amazing way to turn thirty, minus the getting thrown in jail part, but can I be there when he tries to explain to Sloan why he's never allowed in some parts of Europe lol

    Anyway I hope you had a perfect memory filled birthday!!!!

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  6. Dex does know how to celebrate and Tony knows just how to get him.

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  7. pahahaha omg Dex what a birthday!

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  8. Hahaha, Happy birthday. That was as always so informational thanks Dex!! Tony what u did I awesome!!

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    1. I ment what Tony did was awesome, apparently its to early for autocorrect.

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    2. I ment what Tony did was awesome, apparently its to early for autocorrect.

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  9. Hahaha, Happy birthday. That was as always so informational thanks Dex!! Tony what u did I awesome!!

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  10. LOVE Dex! He should have his own show!!!
    kathleenpower@comcast.net

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  11. Hahahaha Dex you know how to celebrate!!! I would love to know what Sloane think about you in jail!? susy.rivera1@gmail.com
    Happy Birthday !!!

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  12. I'd party with Dex any time!

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  13. I love Dex's birthday celebrations.

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  14. Happy Birthday! Great post, it made me laugh.

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  15. LOL! This was hilarious! My birthdays mostly have sucked - including the worst where I was in tears at the Winnie the Pooh breakfast at the Crystal Palace at Disney World - THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH - on my 35th. Followed by my camera and all my film of the pictures of the trip (and Ryne Sandberg day at Wrigley Field) being stolen on a Disney train. So yeah - I pretty much ignore birthdays ;)

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  16. OMG. Dex's 30th would have killed me. Poor Tony - but he sure did get his revenge. Thanks for the fun post.

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  17. He thought of Dex running around naked with his boy bits in the wind, AWESOME. Siegfried and Roy? Wow, like the tiger dancers in Zootropolis. I loved those guys and just kept thinking therians. Good that Dex celebrates birthdays rather than wants commiserations, but that's him all over, unfailingly optimistic, upbeat and fun loving. Love him

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  18. It's a good job Dex's ex-boyfriend party was before Sloane :D

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  19. I don't think I would survive a Dex birthday celebration.

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  20. Thank you for the post! Love Dex <3
    -H.B.

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  21. I didn't know whether to roll my eyes, laugh 'til I cried, or just shake my head. So I did all three before writing this ;)

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  22. Oh Dex, I wonder if Tony's ex/those you flirted with birthday party made you change your ways? I hope not :)

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  23. Happy birthday! I love Dex's recounting of his best and craziest birthday - the tiger part was the best.

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  24. I'd party with Dex any time :-) oh and happy birthday!

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  25. Geez I love Dex...cracks me up!!

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  26. *need photos!!*
    sounds like an awesome 30th!

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  27. Oh, Dex darlin', you're a man after my own heart. Great column. LMFAO. If you've caused enough trouble to have your dad show up, and have managed to silence an LV police station, you are all-powerful. Dex drives you to silence, buy Tony *commands* respect and silence.

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